Ryan's Journal
by Eiress Goddess of Inspiration
Summary: Ryan's journal he's keeping while Nerissa's away. Read my other stories to understand!
1. Chapter 1

A/N: _Welcome to my small series featuring Ryan's Journal; Ryan is out of character somewhat;_ _If you haven't been reading my other story When the Past Comes Knocking-head over there and to my one-shot series When She was Gone._

* * *

A Note to Nerissa: I've decided to keep this journal to hold all of my thoughts that I want to say to you and maybe someday you will read this and understand what it's doing to us while you're gone.

Day 1:

Today you left without saying goodbye. Do you realize how much the team needs you? How much I love you? You should, I told you.

Day 2:

Riss, I woke up this morning and tried to call you to see if you needed a ride to work. I forgotten you'd left. I can't wait until you come home. Work isn't the same without you.

Day 8:

Ana asked Horatio where you were today. She doesn't understand that it is going to be a long time before you come home.

Day 9:

I got shot today at work, good thing I was wearing a vest. I hope you're safe.

Day 10:

I have a really nasty bruise today. I wish you were here.


	2. Chapter 2

Day 15:

The team isn't the same without you here. I'm counting down the days until you come home.

Day 22:

I love you. I miss you. Stay safe.

Day 26:

Ana cried today because you missed her family day at pre-school. I went with her and your dad. She misses you. You're missing so much.

Day 31:

It's national news "Tony Stark is Missing" so is his assistant Arissa Winters. I hope that that isn't you.


	3. Chapter 3

Day 38:

Today that terrorist group the Ten Rings announced that they killed the Black Hand. You're gone...

Day 43:

We still haven't told Ana. I dread the day that we do.

Day 45:

I don't know what to do. Why did you go? Why did you leave us?

Day 46:

I feel empty. I'm filled with regret because now I will never know what could have been.

Day 59:

I'm confined to paper work for the next three weeks. H is worried. I miss you Nerissa. I still miss you.


	4. Chapter 4

Day 89:

I'm feeling better now. I still miss you but I know I need to be here for Ana. I think if you were still here I'd want marry you and adopt her.

Day 90:

It's been three months since you left for California. 47 days since you died. I want to adopt Ana but I can't bring myself to without you here to complete the family. Besides she has H.

Day 94:

We still haven't told Ana that you aren't coming back. I think we should soon but H doesn't think that you're actually dead.

Day 95:

H cried today. I've never seen him cry. I think he's starting to give up.


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: _These journal entries take place before Nerissa and Tony are saved by Rhodie._

* * *

Day 98:

I was wrong your dad hasn't given up. He's even more determined to find out the truth now. I think he might call Fornell today.

Day 99:

He called Fornell. Fornell didn't say much but he told us not to give up hope. They still haven't found a body.

Day 100:

H is starting to look worn. I don't think he's sleeping. He hasn't looked this bad since Marisol died. Come to think of it he may actually look worse. I have to hold it together for him… for Ana… for you…

Day 103:

The FBI think they found your body today. I hope it's not you but I almost want it to be so that we can end this.


	6. Chapter 6

Day 108:

Horatio is going crazy waiting to hear back it it's you or not. The body was burned. If it is you I hope you weren't alive when they lit the fire.

Day 109:

Still no news.

Day 110:

They think they found Stark. I hope you're with him but deep down I know that you probably aren't. We still don't know if that body is you.

Day 111:

IT'S NOT YOU! I hope you're still alive! I hope you're with Stark! H seems so sure you're with him. If you aren't and you're really gone…. I think it my kill H.


	7. Chapter 7

Day 112:

You're ALIVE! You are coming home! I'm so glad you're coming home. Ana is thrilled.

Day 115:

You're not coming home. You're going back to California to finish the mission. Why? Your cover could be compromised. You could die for real if your enemies know...

Day 119:

Ana is back to wondering. I am too. You're probably hurt. Why didn't you come home?

Day 122:

I saw you on tv today. You look different. Your long hair is gone but the most startling change is your eyes… they look different. I'm not sure how, I only saw you in the background but I know it was you. You should have been coming home today but you told H you still have unfinished business. I hope you're come home soon, I love you.


	8. Chapter 8

Day 135:

Tony Stark _is_ Iron Man. Obadiah Stane is dead and you should be coming home now. Why aren't you, ILY.

Day 150:

I love you. I can _not_ wait to tell you that in person.


	9. Chapter 9

Day 135:

Tony Stark _is_ Iron Man. Obadiah Stane is dead and you should be coming home now. Why aren't you, ILY.

Day 150:

I love you. I can _not_ wait to tell you that in person.

* * *

Riss,

You've been home for three weeks now... I get why you didn't tell us you were home sooner, but I just wish you had let us know we would have understood. Today I got a good look at how you had been hurt over _there..._ You're not the same Nerissa that left but I still love you just the same. I know that you don't understand that now but I'm going to prove to you that you are worth loving.

Reason #1 why I love you:

You don't know you're special... but everyone else can see it as plain as day.


End file.
